Ben proposed we play a game he learned from a math nerd friend. The game is called “Axiom/Theorem,” and you take turns stating axioms until one of you accidentally states a theorem that can be derived from the already-declared axioms, at which point that person loses. Ben thought he would win because I haven’t taken a math class in six years, but he forgot that I am the Queen of Impenetrable Logic* and therefore destined to win this game always and forever.
He let me go first, so I said “Axiom: Cookies are awesome.” I think he was taken aback because I was apparently supposed to say some math thing, but that wasn’t a rule and it is an axiom that you can’t change the rules once you start to play, in any game ever. So then he tried to get us back on track with some math thing, and I responded with “Axiom: Cake is awesome.” Then he tried to avert the long list of dessert-related axioms that I clearly had in mind with, “Axiom: Anything with chocolate in it is awesome,” but he underestimated my obsession with all things food-related and the game swiftly devolved.
Ben: Axiom: Anything with chocolate in it is awesome.
Me: Axiom: Vanilla ice cream is awesome.
Ben: Axiom: Anything with sugar in it is awesome.
Me: Axiom: Fruit dipped in cream is awesome.
Ben: Axiom: All desserts are awesome.
Me: Axiom: Mashed potatoes are awesome.
Ben: Axiom: Anything with potatoes is awesome.
Me: Axiom: Cheetos are awesome.
At this point Ben was getting frustrated with my apparently limitless categories of food, so he tried to cut me off and defeat me.
Ben: Axiom: Anything Caroline likes is awesome.
But Ben forgot who he was dealing with.
Me: Axiom: Ben is awesome.
Ben: Wait, you lose!
Me: No, I don’t.
At that point he didn’t want to play anymore. I always win!
*His words, not mine. Apparently he doesn’t find my system of Three Types of Trash – and the corresponding Three Types of Trash Cans – to be as self-apparent as I do.
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